Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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