CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
NoShamevember. You game?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
