This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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