someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
