Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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