Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
