TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Randomize
