I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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