I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
