so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
