Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
