Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
