Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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