You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
