I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
