if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
