i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
