What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
