im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm getting married
To pizza
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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