When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
