i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
