one might say we're banned from that church
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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