everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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