Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
