we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
