im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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