i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I still have a little drunk in my system
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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