Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
