Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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