my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
