she woke up with a sticky ear
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
