yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
