He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
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So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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