Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
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I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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