Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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