I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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