you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
As shirtless as possible
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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