I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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