going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
