I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
