I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
