Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
