and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
