theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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