Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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