When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
