My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
