she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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