And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
