dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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