can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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