I will die if light touches me.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
