wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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