Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
