i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
