I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
