Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
