You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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