I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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