I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
