wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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