apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
