Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
