Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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