despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
