she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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