I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
