dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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