I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
