We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
