I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
