My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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