Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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