I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
